Humanity

Valuable things.

So, valuable things to share.

*my kid got the lead in the school play! the lead. STAR. (he deserves it too, this is one of his callings. it will be his first time on stage. )  Mom has giant wide eyes of fear and trepidation and wild, wild curiosity.

call me ‘zac efron’s mother’ from now on, because i need to have more reasons to go to therapy.

*i turned the heat on in october. this means all of my New England ancestors will rise up and shoot me when I arrive at the Pearly Gates.  sigh. Happy Ending? again?

* I got an entire set of furniture this weekend, a sofa, a loveseat and a chair w ottoman.  they all match each other. they look brand spanking new. they aren’t.  …. they are neutral in color. i feel like an old, old woman.  NEUTRALS?!   Matching furniture? All i had to pay was the cost of moving them from one house to another. and tips, I paid tips to the movers.  1021181146

(i hired movers because i am not in college, and my kids are not yet bulky teens, and moving furniture by yourself means you break something, furniture or body, and i value both, turns out. )

*had lovely company this weekend. so i feel all grounded and present in my body. shoot man, if they could pill that up… i’d definitely be a pill popper.

( i think i wrote that whole sentence just to be able to write pill popper. its a true sentence, but pill popper is even fun to type, but saying it is something i do even when i’m by myself… i imagine i’d be fun to secretly video, i am for sure a weirdo.)

*i got another job, one that i am actually qualified to do! So now I can honestly say that I am a proofreader and editor.  Aside from being Zac Efron’s mother, I think this might be my biggest achievement this year. really.  and its stuck down here at the end, like drippings.  oh man, though, its big.  BIG.

 

Advertisements
Humanity

Ground yourself. On purpose, like an adult.

if i’m going to try to write a bonified essay on tips to center down… then i need to actually start gathering the wool for the sweater.

wool! ways to gather your spirit and warmth back into your body.
1. put down the phone. duh. you already KNOW this one…
like literally, away from you. silence it. give yourself a block of time. 30 minutes at least.
2. stare out the window, go outside and sit on the porch. squinch your toes in the grass like richard gere… (if you are my age you know exactly what i’m talking about.) do absolutely nothing with a little chunk of time. think your thinks. allow yourself to not take action on any of it.

3. sitting up, take some deep breaths. don’t count them… 🙂 just take them

(i keep staring at the young bearded guy across the coffee shop. i forget that i might be too old for guys in their 30s now… how amazing is that..)

4. grab something to be momentarily inspired by. flip the pages of a book and look for a quote on the page you open to, that somehow relates to your day. a tarot card, a favorite word… think about it, puzzle it out in your monkey brain…

(girls with backpacks bigger than they are… oh, man..)

5. circles. I think of this as a Quaker thing, but believe its more general than that. allow the visions of circles in your mind, slowly enlarging and enlarging til infinity and dissipation, and then back, should you so choose.
so many color possibilities but i’m amazed and curious to say mine are almost always grayscale and pastels… and it just brings you into focus, allows the space for clarity.

6. pray. doing all the things. open up, quiet down and ask for help, guidance and the quietude to hear an answer…

(oh god, not in his 30s, probably 20s… could’ve birthed him! aaaaaagh.) …

and
give yourself permission to do this, any of it, all of it. Its as important as laundry, if not way way more important than laundry. okay? did you hear that?

you are more important than laundry…
and being connected to yourself as a natural part of the world, belonging as much as a tree or a sunset. really. thats how much .

i think its a thing that most people just do not believe about themselves. truly.

Humanity

Sprouts.

its fall, its not the right season to be talking about sprouts or thinking about them… i guess… even the color is wrong. gah.

but then you look around here, the new england color palette is much more complex than you think.  maybe i’ve been with little ones too long, but the primaries just don’t cut it.  there’s purple out there, and fresh, lithe green… amongst the oranges and the burgundy…and brown is a pretty dynamic color after all..

so maybe you can handle my sprouts-y talk…

1017181507_HDR

out my back window, a window i don’t think i have ever appreciated except now, now that i spin in an office chair and see whats around… the yellow of the light touches everything, doesn’t it… and the blues of the shadows… the greyscale of the window…

pink hydrangea out the other window… dusty rose… there’s no other season it can be but fall… something about the light…

sigh. i think i’m forgetting what i set out to talk about… something about growth and sprout…

i know what it is… and how i’m going to talk about it… but my mind is taking a color walk…and so i’ll get back to it tomorrow…

lurve lurve… kate

 

 

Divorce, Humanity

grounding, grounding…

so. i make a big statement in the previous post, like, ‘tell the universe’… and its sort of woo-woo, and some people (my internal world) think froofroo = avoidance of  GOD words.  but i don’t avoid GOD words, just so you know.

when my dad died, just about 5 years ago now, I lost my faith. utterly.  it wasn’t right, it didn’t make sense, it did NOT fit the faith system and security that i had thought was there.  call me a priviledged whitie, its allright. i was. and probably am, in more ways than i’m even aware of .  (and i am aware.)

so boom. lost my dad and lost my faith blanket all at once.  it left me reeling, both were things i took great comfort in, since and after i was old enough to talk… i’ll tell you that.  i think the support of them both, and the loss of them both made it all the more clear to me how desparately sad and unsupportive my marriage had become and made me rise up and bring about its end.  bwahahaha haaaaa.

AND SO.  while there are millions of pages to be written about the above paragraphs, still, today is not that day.

1016180819a

i find myself growing a new faith. now, five years on… little sprouts of faith in myself.  (without losing humility, at. all.)  faith in the world, faith in humanity, faith in goodness… its a rebirth of that supportive net that i had all my life, but with new shapes and colors… but the same feelings…

its a whole new relationship with the concept behind the words i used to use.

and its ironic, as the whole world seems headed for hell in a handbasket of intolerance.

but i’ve been thinking a lot about how i can gather more moments of stillness, more moments when i feel my feet planted… when i feel like my intuition and guidance systems have a chance to be heard…..

and i think im going to think some more about it… I’ll get back here in a bit… 🙂

lurve…

 

 

Humanity, Uncategorized

better now

i am, i really am.

but i’m having a bit of a rough go of it this morning, getting back into the swing of keeping busy while in betweenst works.

but the slowness is good, right?  gives me time to think, make a plan and think of its steps…

sometimes dropping the ball lets you see the whole field. 1010181645c

deep breaths along with the thump of the heart beat.

i might be deciding to date again. i haven’t fully made up my mind. i’ve been given a greenlight by my steady lover, because we both know he is too busy (me too) and too far (me too) and we love each other but.

its okay, and there? practicality rules. without sorrow, especially.

and. because i love him, i still have him. any way we can.

but in this deep breath, moment of quiet,                   i know how much time i spend dithering with online dating… fiddling with responses and swipes and that doesn’t even get me to the actual meets.  its a form of long-winded shopping… many many windows…

so it gives me more pause than i was expecting.

i think i might have other things to do.  maybe my man can just come find me.

someone tell the Universe.