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FEAR, or Running in the Rings

0421181735_Burst01.jpgJust been set adrift on the monkey mind fuck of being worried about money.  EXbubs says I will need a full time job this fall because money is too tight for him, and i hear that, and i need my own, reliable benefits, because i am tired of arriving at the pharmacy just to be told they’ve lapsed again….  but it means changing jobs, and possibly childcare and more and more changes, and facing the vulnerability of an unsteady financial life…. and i’m just having a hard time reigning in my overactive imagination/adrenalin kick.  when you’re having an adrenalin surge and you’re just sitting on your ass in front of a typewriter, your body gets all out of whack, and there is no processed food that is safe.

what am i going to do ?  how am i going to make ends meet?  do i have to sell this house? is that really the most practical thing, honestly? grrgh.

its not that good a day to be trying to cut down on the cigarettes. is it now?

There’s been something in the air for me lately too, because i’ve been whacked out for more than just this money thing.  I even called the doctor and asked about upping my antidepressant dosage… I’m sort of wondering if its just simply the spring, the ‘love is in the air’ bling of nature… and how it feels so opposite to where i am right now, this very minute.  i wonder.

 

so there.

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