Humanity

Curiosity and self-doubt, y’all

i’ve been feeling a part of a larger community with all this woman-centered motion lately, and there’s no better expression of that than tacking a y’all onto things… its lets us know we’re all one big body of finger-licking, mistake-making, funny-looking bodies in a huge, messy pile.

spent the morning talking about the difference between credit cards and debit cards. and how you pay for the pleasure of borrowing . also told my oldest to start asking me questions about babies and sex, because people i knew were having babies at his age.  he wasn’t altogether thrilled with me.  it was very interesting. my boys and daughter are in for a wild ride with me, and i can’t help think i’m in for as much of a wild ride as they are…

been reading a novel by an online friend lately, and the main character has been reading ‘to the lighthouse’ and the whole damn thing is freaking me out.  one, anything virginia woolf is a completely mind-bending read, and its time for me to get my beaten up copy out in plain sight, again.  two, i am finding so much in it that is familiar and FAMILIAR, goddamnit.  i think i’ll be really sad to think i’m a cliche, and i am righteously on the path today….  the smart, sharp-witted, blog-writing stay at home mom, who keeps secrets from her social life…wait, what? i exist in print? FUG.

guys, i haven’t even finished it yet. anything could happen. maybe its not me. maybe i’ll win a million dollars.

sheesh, my god. its so familiar.  and i’m so impressed that my online friend has done it, put it together, molded a story and a character that is causing a reaction in me.  how amazing is that. little black squiggles on the page lead me to discomfort and challenge my self-identity and self-value.

09251814461truly, now, these things have been going on for awhile and i’m not saying that Kerry Clare’s novel, Mitzi Bytes, has sent me into a talespin all on its own merits, which are plenty.  And i am not saying I AM her main character, as i’ve  not been hiding in dumb waiters lately and anybody who wants to know can find out that i write online. i mean, anybody.

and quite a few of the people who know cannot be bothered to check it out anyhow.

why is that? if i knew someone i liked wrote every day, i’d probably go look at it, and if i liked it, i’d probably do that fairly often… but nope. hmm. huh.

different strokes.

different levels of curiosity.  like, why curious, and then curiosity? why drop the u? i’ll never know, and i’ll be driven mad each and every time i type it.

i’m so curious about people.  how their inner worlds look… if they find ways to express what is going on in there… writing is one of those things i think… also humor.. artistic expression, movement…

some people have the gift of such groundedness that they can speak their own expression.   isn’t that crazy to imagine?

if any of my kids ever write or create or express themselves, i’ll be so thrilled to get those glimpses of them… such little glimpses in… i surely hope they feel the desire to share…

Y’ALL

Y’ALL

Y’ALL …

 

love you.

 

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