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morose. but willing.

it snowed last night. Around here, its really early for a first snow. and it was at night when it happened, so that whole lovely ‘first snow’ feeling never happened.  and it just reminded me so much of the winter wherein the snow never melted and we all went a little crazy, like northern maine crazy… jack nicholson crazy.

so there is that feeling upon waking up… trapped.

and yesterday i laid down a cool 4 thousand dollars to keep my car on the road for another few years.  now, unlike the new fridge of a month or so back, there is no glory feeling, no feeling of accomplishment.  money was fished out of the sock drawer and the credit card was used.

and the car is still full of kidcrap, and it is all very very unsatisfying. they had to move everything out of the trunk (why? WHY?) so all that crap is now in the backseat of my car, staring me right in the face. and it snowed last night, so i don’t really want to deal with it today.

whatever. i’m morose, and dealing with it. at this point, i’ve felt most of the nontraumatic feels i am going to feel in my life, and i’ve bounced from every single one. so i’ll bounce from this.

I’m eating cashews for breakfast and lunch and that’ll take me a long way back towards pleasure.

i’m back on the dating sites. one guy just asked me to send him money. for real. another guy? i thought i’d be going out with him tonight, to hang out and be new friends.  but no, he disappeared. and its not the first time, for him, or in general.

and there’s no crush, my feelings aren’t hurt… its just mildly disappointing and a little confusing. i’m not really a big fan of being confused.

and i would have preferred to not add confusion to the morose.

meh.

 

 

 

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1 thought on “morose. but willing.”

  1. Sweet Jesus. That is a ton of money. So sorry about the car. And I was just reading in the Atlantic about how Americans are in a “sex recession” and now I am feeling morose too.

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