Humanity

Profound Hearing loss #2

let me just tell you that i am going to lose track of what happens after two.  i’ve got a long story and a brain that doesn’t go in for any long lists, sadly.

One of the things that happened after my bike accident ( when i lost all the bone in my right ear, i mean, not ‘lost’ but … i suppose they are still rattling around in there… isn’t that weird? makes me think of the ‘operation’ game… tiny little white bits …)

anyhow, one of the things that happened AFTER losing that bone-heavy ear, was that within the next year i lost all the hearing in both my ears. i mean, totally. boomah.

i got myself to an audiologist who thought i was so remarkable she wanted to write about me in a journal. oooh, i felt good. so good.  i learned that ‘sometimes this just happens’.

yeah. thats a pisser. a doctor i know subscribed me some steroids on a whim.  yes, a whim. and my hearing in my left ear came back.

i moved home though.

so i motored on, got married, had some babies.  2 months after the second baby i lost my hearing totally AGAIN.

let that one sink in for a minute? totally deaf. a toddler babe and a 2 month old. I ‘slept’ with my hand on his chest so i’d hear his call for food… If ever I have been nearing suicidal, this was it.  i told my mate to find someone else. . . it wasn’t the best time.

lasted six weeks. steroids worked, but slowly.

just setting the backdrop for some of my feelings of precariousness.

i’m trying to wrap my head around some of the stumbling blocks i keep encountering when i think about ‘real work’, or working for someone else, in someone else’s space.  in my mind i associate those possibilities with eternal deafness. and, having to leave a job or being fired because of my ‘unacceptability’ because of a new/old/recurring hearing loss.

and there is also the great suspicion about things happening a third time.

which, i know, exposes my old world bones. and for that flash, i am sorry.

sigh.  this whole post was just an fyi, and i’m not sure why.  but its more of that telling.

 

brown rabbit
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

here’s some bunny ears for you, just because.

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