Humanity

First dates- online dating again…

I’m getting really good at first dates.

!immediately i realize that if i were supergood at it, i’d be having no more of them at all. so.

damn.

but.

okay, little regrouping.

wait, wait.  am i judging success by ‘finding a mate’?  well, thats out of my hands, actually.  depends on the mate, the stars aligning, the universal (ok, maybe not) acknowledgement that I am open for a “love” encounter.  it makes me want to throw up that i just wrote that.

I am really good at surviving a first date.  i like people, i am curious about people.  of course i notice if they don’t listen to me or laugh at my jokes, but i’m still invigorated by the one on one dialogue.

and then, of course, another digression:

it was suggested that i need to get out into community more, ACTUAL people, not virtual, and as i was riding to my first date, i realized i might be using all these dates to just avoid trying to fill my weekends with things i want to do and see, but have to do and see alone… dates as humanity avoidance, ? hows that?

so, of course, i have nerves beforehand, but its all to do with me, nothing to do with him, because i have no idea who they are, so i can barely make up any story in my head. its awesome.  and i’m pretty sure to send a dorky picture of myself along because i don’t want anyone expecting anything different than that… lets be real here…even if i was in my sassiest outfit, i’d still end up cracking myself up over eggs or coffee or whatnot…

i try to wear jeans and a top, all season gear.  its winter now so a sweater the size of texas is pretty typical. although i do like to hint at my curves. i try not to wear a hat, but sometimes i fail at this.  winter.  i don’t wear makeup so there’s no ‘face’ to fix.

i just figure if i want to dazzle a man, it would be nice to do it when they actually care for me, later on…as a surprise… oh my gosh, she’s so damn funny AND can dress up?!

oh my god, today’s date was lovely, but mostly because i woke up late, all my ‘date clothes’ were wet in the dryer so i just threw on what was clean and ran, because ‘late is hate’ … so no pre-date jitters at all. and he seemed okay with it, though i did not tell him i’d forgotten to brush my teeth. i did brush my hair though, so, win. he was nice, smart and different.

i don’t know what men think of all this, but they’ve mostly all wanted a second try.

close up photography of bulb on water
Photo by fotografierende on Pexels.com

and therein lies the flashing light that signals kate’s ACTUAL state:  i am deathly scared of a second date.

sigh.

everyone has something.

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