Being humble is a big deal for me. Its an integral part of my function in the world. i can internally hear ‘be humble’ in the background on a regular basis… and its not as if i’m running around boasting about any such thing and/or need ‘correcting’…its not an admonishment, just a gentle reminder of a way to walk in the world.
its something i feel pretty steeped in.
it can get confusing.
because, low self-esteem can belong to me sometimes… and that isn’t humility or being humble…. and sometimes i am fooled into thinking that I am ‘supposed’ to be a doormat, or ‘supposed’ to put someone else first, like the kids, the mate, etc.
and being humble is actually recognizing that everything you have is a gift, you’ve been gifted this experience, and you get to ride along and enjoy, but you did not CAUSE this ride. Just like everyone else.
what i think it engenders is a sense of amazement and gratitude for the gifts of life.
and i don’t think it is just the grotesquely privileged who get to feel this ‘humble’…
like, you don’t have to have a stone wall to stare at in order to feel gifted in life.
i’m not sure this is making sense….
i was married into a family that doesn’t value humility… i don’t mean they are vain. i do think they, many of them, hold it as a family value that they are somewhat legend-worthy. its hard to say it like that without needing to explain it down somehow… but i think it is true of them, and i think my need to explain it down is my whole ‘humble’ thing.
no judgement on them, its just their way. i love them.
and i do think there is some sort of power dynamic to it, in me, because there is so much ‘church’ behind it…looking at the role of women in a patriarchy is not floating my boat these days…
and i’m very aware of needing not to scurry into my humility. it shares space with humiliation.
being humble has its roots in being GROUNDED.
not ground down.
slip and slide between meanings, yes?
and what if my being humble, and recognizing myself in you, and you, in my self, makes me feel that we are all the dirt of possibility and the possibility of stardust?
what if that?
humble stardust, babe.
*being dirtlike and glorying in it… like, the most faithful dirty seedsoil ever.
*are we happy being a breeding ground for beauty? is that enough?
I wrote these two tidbits in another place, and they feel fertile… real potentials for pages and pages…
Its been suggested that humility isn’t a value anymore, that its been phased out. generational.
so, i asked my older kids: My elder child ,13, described it as feeling like everyone is equal, that we’re all at the same level. (bonus point for him…) my middle child (11) told me a long story about how when you got the last goal that won the game you said, yeah, i’m good, but i wouldn’t be any good without my team…
I think they’re in on it, and its still around, but it has different words now, and it certainly is not mainstream or valued by our larger culture.
anyhow, the beginning of this post was much more interesting than the end.
i love you to pieces for reading, i really do. let me know who you are sometime, would ya?