Humanity

DATA, or free will?

OH man, when you start to understand even the tip of the iceberg of how much data is being collected about us, and how we are being swayed… it is actually frightening.

i’m using an archaeologist’s brush on the bones of this thing… thats how little i am digging in… and i KNOW a new level of freaked out.

and maybe its all innocent, just marketing, you know? just businesses trying to sell their wares, at its simplest…

But when i browse rotary dial phones on my phone, and then facebook decides to do the same, and instagram suddenly feels i should maybe check out these new phone sites… its all part of a mad sweep affecting my entire world.  and this one? this was an experiment.

lets talk political persuasion.  i’m liberal, all the news i see is horrified by our president. he’s crazy, he’s doom.  i’m conservative, all the news i see is horrified by the liberals. they are crazy, if they get power, they’ll lock the government down in gridlock.

 

hm.  huh.

the larger question of free will vs. data manipulation is legit.

especially as we roll into the Mecca of Mega Consumerism, otherwise known as the Birth of Jesus.

seriously, the hypocrisy of some religious folks right here is HIGH.  but aside from that.     ( i can’t claim hypocrisy on this one because my faith is only mustardseed big and i make no claims to be a true believer… there are millions of things i am hypocritical about, but not this one..)…

when the digression is bigger on the inside than the subject from which you have digressed? what then?

BUT ASIDE FROM THAT.

FB_IMG_1541647832658
this photo does not sell anything.

what do your kids want? did they see it on a commercial? did they see it in a youtube?  who sold it to them? because someone DID… directly.

i’ve been trying to learn the facebook ads system.  facebook. that which people my age look at almost daily, if they have it at all.  so, an advertiser makes note of your age, preferences, connections and shows you an ad.  if you click on it, you enter a new select group, which they can target with another series of ads… its all automated, there’s nobody looking at you as an individual… you’re just a stat.

if you’ve ever looked at a gap ad, you’re on a list… if you looked at that cool boot in the middle of your page, in that super cool green color, you’re on a list… those cool science box clubs that arrive once a month? you’re on the box club list…(i’ve seen it!)  i can target any list or demographic i want to …so so specifically…  and just show my ads to you…

imagine what i could do if i had a political persuasion and an audience receptive to my point of view.  imagine if i particularly wanted to sway them.

its been proven time and time again that ads work.

time and time.

just be careful out there friends.  what you think you want, might not be a free will decision… your data collection has commenced.

just be careful.

(if you click on MY ads, here on this blog, you’ll give me some dollars, so go ahead, leap into the fray, if you already live there….otherwise… )

 

 

You know what is absolutely AMAZING?  I wrote this the same day all of Facebook’s scandals scandalized, and was still unaware. https://www.nytimes.com/2018/11/16/podcasts/the-daily/facebook-zuckerberg-sandberg-russia-election-data.html?rref=collection%2Fspotlightcollection%2Fpodcasts&action=click&contentCollection=podcasts&region=rank&module=package&version=highlights&contentPlacement=1&pgtype=collection

my favorite scaryuncle boss? Took all his ads off facebook this morning…  and thats why he’s my favorite scaryuncle boss.

 

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Humanity

My favorite boss/waiting for a mudslide/faithjones

My favorite boss ever is the scary angel uncle in The Nutcracker.  You know, the one who is terrifying, completely, but for some reason Clara likes him and then you realize he’s a great Wizard bringing the Magic and the Fear of Mice into the world…? That guy? Yeah, he’s my boss.

He tells me to go make a facebook ad. A duplicate of one he ran six years ago.  And then he shoves me and tells me not to bother him anymore.

I cry a lot, in anguish, when I don’t know what words mean. . . and i cry a lot here right now.  CTR, CPM…. ROI… Technically, I know what they all mean, but I’ve had to look them up, all of them, and I am not clear on how they relate to me, or what i am trying to do.

and … it all hurts my heart….WHY? WHY, you say!

1. to admit that I don’t sell anything and if i have to peddle in this stuff, i might completely fail when I do find something to sell.

2. that i am 44 and i don’t know how to learn this stuff.  I don’t know whether i need to go buy a book and a highlighter and just camp out til it makes sense…

or youtube videos? pay some kid to sit with me and teach me, simple steps? how to duplicate without making a million clones..? I mean, seriously, i don’t know if i can do this.  and i might blow something ‘real’ up in the process….

and plus, you guys, WHY IS THE WORLD LIKE THIS?????

why are we tracking all this data? why are we so full of manipulation and money-grubbing?

….which is to say…. i have realized that my dream of being paid to just write for you, here, is a fairy tale.  one of many, yes, that my golden shard wholeheartedly throws herself at daily.

she just ‘believes’ I can. without any data, or product to sell. just belief. faith.

it cuts me to the quick.

sitting back, waiting for a mudslide to close the road.

what to do about this? any of it? the golden shard, crystal?

oh my word, could i be Atreyu’s Empress?! Could I?

PLEASE?!

good god, its so good to realize my true calling. so damn good.

 

 

ah. faith.   i’ve got so many questions for you.

Humanity

Beauty, Circles and Fear. How’s that for heavy?

I don’t know what it is, really, but i’m obsessed with the light here. and everywhere, i suppose.  my world is pretty circumscribed. it is pretty. and circumscribed.  its a golden globe of my own devising.

circles, circles. we all walk about in our bubbles… bumping bubbles if we’re social.  bumper cars of humanity.

the fall is so beautiful it hurts my eyes sometimes.  i strain to see the color striking the leaves just so… the frost on the blades of green… everything is so golden, its changeability grabs me by the lapels and forces me to think of the past, the loss…

(lapels… snicker…)

and everytime, EVERY TIME, i remember that fall comes back. its not the last fall… this light is always here, its just waiting for its particular turn. (around the sun… i couldn’t resist it, sorry…)

I’ve got a thing for circles, complete or otherwise,

cycles…

 

Is it a symptom of age? That my circles are oblong sometimes, or bumpy? That I’m no longer driven by fear? that i see the tumble of the cycles, the certainty that things will return?  I have to believe it is… the resistance to fear being an almost practical mindset now, born from my learning curves… a surrendering more than a wall-building… let it roll on past, as it will.

and, it occurs to me, that if Beauty circles, and all the things circle back… it might be called Revolution. It just might be. and I wonder if seeing it is all that it takes…

tell me, you wise ones… how are you seeing the light where you are?  is it Capital “L” Light for you? talk to me about your cycles…

Humanity

Its always there though.

and ultimately, we, who are as important as the trees, we just need to open up to it.

I wrote this in response to a gorgeous list my friend Heather made, of what she needs to be in the beauty of her moments…have since added and expanded… like Heather’s babe in belly… swelling in potential every day…

What do I need to be receptive to the beauty around me?

*ground..dirt and warmth of sunlight…

*quiet, strainfree time to ‘not listen’ but just be…

*affirmation..

*hands at the small of my back, of any size, age or gender…

*variety…of color,shape, texture, action…

*green… proof of something growing and changing…

*my people…my kids, my laugh-makers…

*bare hardwood floors…

*words, fluid…

*breath…

*schedulefree time…

*a story I can’t wait to get back to…

*someone to check on me…

*windy days, to remind me how connected I am to whats happening out there….

*curiosity about some distinct thing, a man, an issue, a color…

*a list.

 

 

Heather has a group she’s starting once she has her babe in arms, and once I check in with her that she wants it broadcast further, I’ll tell you about it.  I imagine being in her arms for a group would feel like coming home.  Its called Tether and Tend... which just makes me want to roll around on velvet.

 

red and orange maple leaves on tree
Photo by Dariusz Grosa on Pexels.com
Humanity

Grounding yourself. On purpose, like an adult.

if i’m going to try to write a bonified essay on tips to center down… then i need to actually start gathering the wool for the sweater.

wool! ways to gather your spirit and warmth back into your body.

1. put down the phone. duh. you already KNOW this one…
like literally, away from you. silence it. give yourself a block of time. 30 minutes at least.

2. stare out the window, go outside and sit on the porch. squinch your toes in the grass like richard gere… (if you are my age you know exactly what i’m talking about.) do absolutely nothing with a little chunk of time. think your thinks. allow yourself to not take action on any of it.

3. sitting up, take some deep breaths. don’t count them… 🙂 just take them

(i keep staring at the young bearded guy across the coffee shop. i forget that i might be too old for guys in their 30s now… how amazing is that..)

4. grab something to be momentarily inspired by. flip the pages of a book and look for a quote on the page you open to, that somehow relates to your day. a tarot card, a favorite word… think about it, puzzle it out in your monkey brain…

(girls with backpacks bigger than they are… oh, man..)

5. circles. I think of this as a Quaker thing, but believe its more general than that. allow the visions of circles in your mind, slowly enlarging and enlarging til infinity and dissipation, and then back, should you so choose.
so many color possibilities but i’m amazed and curious to say mine are almost always grayscale and pastels… and it just brings you into focus, allows the space for clarity.

6. pray. doing all the things. open up, quiet down and ask for help, guidance and the quietude to hear an answer…

(oh god, not in his 30s, probably 20s… could’ve birthed him! aaaaaagh.) …

and
give yourself permission to do this, any of it, all of it. Its as important as laundry, if not way way more important than laundry. okay? did you hear that?

you are more important than laundry…
and being connected to yourself as a natural part of the world, belonging as much as a tree or a sunset. really. thats how much .

i think its a thing that most people just do not believe about themselves. truly.