Divorce, Humanity

Advice For Women after Divorce

Seriously.  There needs to be more free and unrelated to me advice systems out there.  I mean, go google it. No, don’t.. I’m just kidding.  Its a mess.

Get a life. Get a lawyer, again. Get your nails done. God will forgive you.  Self-care, damnit. Ladies night. kids are resilient. Worry.  Drink. Be true and Authentic.  Don’t say anything to anyone, you might damage the kids. Screw him. Preserve the ideal for the kids. Don’t cry in front of them.  Cry in front of them. Don’t drink, but if you do, don’t tell anyone.  Get a lawyer, again. Don’t feel intimate with them anymore, don’t pretend you knew each other, ever.

sigh.  damn. there’s a lot.  I can’t ‘keyword optimize’ because i hate that shit. i can barely capitalize. there is so much, and every single couple who divorces, and woman who is part of that, is unique. so a bath every day for the first four months worked for me, but won’t work for you.  yes, yes, this is my bath.

tiles window bathroom marble
Photo by William LeMond on Pexels.com

No, no its not.

Numbing is great, like , fucking great.  but doesn’t actually help with grief, or devastation. its still there, lurking. the only way through it is THROUGH it.  if you put it off, its just waiting for you. might as well hit it with a bat again and again… get the mugger out of the freaking equation.

so says i.

my kids were freaked out by my bathing so often. but it was so warm. and solitary. and i was clean.

which is more than i am today.

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Men. Dating after 40, or not, or whatever this is called…

For the first year of my separation, I was not interested.  I mean, not even mildly.  I was really bereft, and while I did begin to acknowledge what a poor experience I have had in marriage, I still missed that man a whole lot, and had to let go of all the love I had been holding.  Still working on that.

But, as my birthday rolled around at the year and a half mark, I wanted to tackle some of those firsts… first date, first kiss, first sackrace. 🙂

0202180846.jpgSo, I turned on Tinder.  Yes, I did.  My first photo was a picture of my silverware drawer, because i didn’t want anyone in my town to suddenly be aware that I was dating.  And, Tinder, it isn’t a fast track to loose sex or anything…well, not for me… but it definitely did get me a lot of text sex. And man, that was titillating.  It was one of the things I realized had been going on during my marriage, ( i mean, not for me, but whatever….) and man, it was more powerful than I had realized, as a time consumer and an emotional outlay.   I had to smoke cigarettes just to handle the flood of sexy thoughts I was having…

I still say thats a problem. and today i haven’t had any cigarettes. and i’m all fidgety, and likely to pick a fight… but i’m surrounded by kids, so that makes me a little bit of an asshole. damn. and i’d really like a glass of wine. but you know what goes really great with a glass of wine?  oh, yeah, sweetness of smoky….

and what to do with all that fidget? and that, uh, ‘energy’? yep. tv. the deadener of all things.

today is tuesday. my kids are with their dad for four whole hours. and i can watch tv that doesn’t have fortnite all over it. so i leap.

wineless, almost. (ha! See what i did there?!)