There is a lot of red in my life. and candy. and toys. and christmas still lingers. (will, all year.) and red, in the language of chakras… tells us to get down and dirty with your roots. look at your stories, your family and what earths you, and unearths you. grab onto your precious self and dig deep.
Did i mention it was a FULL MOON? Time to see whats working, what you need to shift, and what you can let go. . .
that was me for most of my days when my kids were under 5. I’m not in that spot anymore. i recognize it, i remember her well, and can impersonate her at will.
but my kids are just huge. and with divorce comes a whole huge dose of the new adult understanding of impermanence. i’m just gifted them for such a damn short time. and then they go off into the world and i’m still living with me, in the end, just me, as roommate and lovah, all. (even if there is someone else there, or a slow dribble of children coming and going)…
i’ve handled things differently this vacation, for the first time ever. choose differently. i am using money to have two whole days wherein all 3 kids will be at camps. and one will be gone four whole days in the end. its allowing me to write here, to do a little bit of thinking, and to act as if it were almost a normal week, which honestly? is so so good.
because its school vacation and the biggest dickish one is very clearly ME. the fiery circle of hell that is my dinner time prep on vacation days is dissipated, because its an almost regular day. and because i have a little bit of routine i can handle the constant calls for entertainment and food and bitchery that emanate from the living areas . almost like an odor.
right now? i’m typing this at a starbucks because i have a giftcard . rock that. school vacation week and i’m alone with hot coffee and a bit of focus. i don’t believe it either. but there it is… a little change in thinking and a redirection of funds, and there is an EASTER MIRACLE.
right now? yes, right now it is a MIRACLE. look for one near you.
ok, so this one sucks. out of all the ones where i talk about poop, or dating strangers or my tastes in sex (heh. no, i haven’t) this is the one i least want to write and its also the stupidest, ever. so, it is glitter-covered shit. i’m going to ask you to do something.
can you find a post you did like and share it with someone? it doesn’t have to be broadcast on facebook or anything like that, just a tepid share. or a monstrous one is fine too, but we all know that that not all the peoples would want to poke around in here.
and i’m going to drop off the face of the earth just for a little while i hide from a direct light. if sharing happens.
i still don’t intend to sell anything or promote anything beyond what i use and like, etc. (mostly that means friends of mine) … but i do need a wider net to cast.. so i need your help with the warp and weft. to increase the size of the net. and i know you are good for it.
(my ex knows i write this but i don’t promote it in his face because he worries i am going to tarnish his rep, which i won’t, but he doesn’t quite believe that, so if you know him, you do not need to share it with him. if you did, it would be okay. just saying.)
so would ya? you might have to browse… here’s some links to good posts, well, ones that i liked…
I’m doing this thing over on instagram as part of a challenge to do something, anything. when its that vague and nebulous, i am all over it. i did the spirit thing a little bit ago and liked the tiny steps that i took, geisha style, towards incorporating more things that i am fed by, into my life. i still find them almost daily.
so go look over there. if you feel like it. its six days of #metaphorme (metaphor me) writing prompts. write or don’t write, its your call. thinking is good too. you see the photo, the word, the suggestion and you dream your metaphors.
i live in metaphors, it is truly how i understand the world. connections, connections. me, the pebble, the ripple. all. my life to that of a stone. connections.
the first day was #paperflower. the next? #kernel … i find it a really rich chocolate cocoa.
i do wonder how it is received.
love to you, hope you are well…
Todays prompt? #sky
a ceiling? a thin veil ? an all-encompassing blue to bath your eyes in ? you tell me.
these are the things. today is friday. two of the days i had kids home with me. once, a pickup at school because of ‘butt stuff’. once, a kid who couldn’t go because of ‘hurting stomach’- i was worried about coming ‘butt stuff’.
my mom had a procedure on her shoulder which i took her to and from with potentially sick kid lurking…it was fine. kid was fine and procedure was 1000 times better than the last one and we are all so very happy about that. i even took her home this time, to HER house. last time, it was a family sleepover at mine. (my house is a little chaotic for her, at this point, though she’s in grandmotherly love with us)…
i lost a little of my slight rhythm, and intention was unfocused in the changeup of the days. A little work popped up and I was hyper aware of the money of taxes, as I’ve just gotten my bill, and it seems the table was swept clear in a mad rush to make sure I earned some dough this week, extra and on top.
I can pay my taxes though
and while i did not earn a tremendous amount of money, i do have to pay taxes on the alimony that comes in, and thats the ticket that makes it tough. I will barely make it, but I will. I saved enough and put it all aside enough, to pay the Man, and to pay my first quarterly payment. this is BIG, and i whisper it. and turn around, and feel like i need a ‘no spend’ month to get some money back in my accounts again.
This weekend the kids are gone.
and i am cleaning house. the sickness must be laundered out.
the chickens coop must be cleaned out, because i would like to sell the eggs again and these ladies are too blecky after a long winter ‘cooped’ up. (chicken language: its everywhere..)
I am visiting a friend who is having a popup shop but I AM NOT SPENDING ANY MONEY, CECILIA! 🙂 but i will laugh with her, and it is always wonderful wonderful to see her.
I am meeting my sister’s new boyfriend. hee hee. I’m so excited.
This is the season where all the work that has been happening underground becomes visible. the savings. the growth, the uncurling bean. uncurling unfurling.
what can you see from where you are? Are you further up and further in ?