NOVEMBER NONO: TwentyEIGHT. Stumped.

I don’t know what to write. Its like being speechless.

Stumbling on anyhow.

On my last legs. (ha. not really.)

1. I am stumped, its true. I don’t know what to write and I’m clearly not doing a thorough job. Or am I ? But like everyone else, I am freaking starved for communication so I will freaking drag my ass through the desert to the watering hole. You dig?
2. After a solid decade of trying to complete an entire month of writing here, I think I’m going to do it for the first time. We will see. You know I may have just jinxed myself in a bad way.
3. A woman named Anna Lovind runs a class called the Creative Doer and its awesome and you should do it if you feel at all inclined to the creative or the dream following. At least go look.
4. My moods are wildly in flux right now. I think I’m due for my menstrual cycle soon, because it is wild to try to swim through this. I put up the lights on the porch to begin the season of lights against the night, and went through some serious rage to be doing it by myself. serious rage. at my ex. at the men who have not appeared. at myself. at God. And then some tears and gut-wrenching sadness and I sent some texts of self-deprecation and braggadocio. oh man. the lights are up in their mismatched glory. not in a cute way either. there’s no shabby chic about it. BUT LIGHTS UP, and THE DARKNESS!! and i have to be satisfied or I’ll be bothered until the fuses blow.
5. I’m working through things in my dreams I think, because I’m still having ex show up. Its a weird unreality as he’s more real in my dreams than he is in person. And look at that sentence, right? How strange is that? I think it makes a lot of sense when I think about assigning an object all the weight of the world, in order to relieve some of the stress i carry. (now and always I recognize my luck in that my stresses are of the extreme privilege kind.)
6. I thought about doing an entire post on green, the greens i can see from here, the greens i don’t want to eat, the greens of the winter season, the swag for the door my mom and I made on Thanksgiving. And then I got distracted by my own random capitalization problem. so there.
7. My first kid just got up and its almost 9 o’clock in the morning. This is a very early Christmas miracle. Oh my god, another one. its like dominos.
8. I’m teaching all three kids how to do their own laundry today. The eldest already knows but its time for some of the mountains to be moved, and not by me. This is what happens on ‘mom weekends’ and whooopeee.
9. I’m also keeping them busy with chores. Its Saturday and I’m channeling my father. Hopefully I will not break down into rage and everything will get done. I am keeping my standards very low. And yes, they’ve always done chores, but this is a concentrated morning of work, because its a rare day that I do not have work and they do not have a single sports event of any kind. Happy Thanksgiving kids, grab a broom.
10. It took me ages to get here to #10. I have no idea what to put in here and one laundry lesson is chugging away merrily already. I’ve suggested a porn site to a friend and I’m eating a cinnamon raisin bagel. rotund.

Sigh. sometimes I just have to offload the brain’s extra materials, and today it wound up here. What do you get filled up with?